4am

almost 4, and a long day ahead.
learnt many things working on the comm
people, standards, expectations and quirks,
and what still gets me riled.
it'll be my holiday after the holiday after this.
its still a battle.
if you're reading this, put on a smile for people around you :)

could be

ever hear yourself saying: 'i could have been many things (in life).'?


sometimes you wonder what you could be and those are what people call dreams. (if you add a touch of nonsense to it, they tend to become daydreams, but even those can become reality.) so have you not a dream? something that is beyond and above where you are right now, circumstances that surround you, or people that don't seem to go with your flow very well.

i could have been, but i didn't.
so what?

it has a tinge of sorrow and reeks of regret sometimes. often finding ourselves in places we don't want to be in, did we give up, raise the white flag, throw in the towel to say those lines later? By God's grace we have a tomorrow and a hope in His hands. there is one guidebook ultimate called the Word of God, a helper that dwells within us called the Holy Spirit and our King who intercedes on our behalf by the right hand of almighty God.


of course we could have been many things. so could i. pool hustler, martial law, bruce wayne, tony stark, criminal lawyer, war reporter, judge, gambler, racer, steve fox, ippo, john connor, created harry potter and outwitted hitler. but that's not the point.

i guess the point is,
if we don't become what God desires for us,
we don't become the best :)

finding out, well, no one said it would be 'easy'...
but the cool thing is, we're not standing alone.
now, you gotta go look for it!
what're you waiting for?

counsel of the wise

proverbs 20: 18 says, "Plans succeed through good counsel; don’t go to war without wise advice."


if i can find counsel at the right time
one that knows and understands the issue.
without agenda and minimal bias
with enough knowledge and wisdom
to know what it all means.
Lord, directions>

watch this space, and pray along...

Jesus, The 1st and The Last

the title is like the alternate rock version of alpha and omega, while being just as cool in its own way. listening to Faith + Hope + Love, i decided i liked this album more than the previous one- as usual some songs were simple yet powerful.

my body doesn't feel like itself today. the slight fever is crawling into my bones and blurring my sight. i'm more easily tired despite the sleep i had, and tomorrow is going to be a busy day!! i have a final exam to take (actually looking forward to it!) and appointment with the repairman. errands galore wait after that- and influence is around the corner. but i was glad i went today :) now wondering when are we gonna have a realll Lcell outing :)


all is still and sound was nought,
in a sea of noise, laughter, rejoice.
emotions held me no sway, i was heartened
the Lord is my rock, shaken i was not
still the fearful me, still the uncertain,
O you of little faith!
one day He will surely say, in humour and love,
haha, hey i told you so ;)
and i will look forward to that day
of brightness, glory, wonder and joy.
no longer just a whiff of sunshine but the awesomeness of heaven!
forever, Yahweh, King of all, brother and friend.


:)

给我一首歌的时间

你不用害怕失眠
如果你想忘记我也能失忆
能不能给我一首歌的时间
把故事听到最后才说再见

越过你划的线我定了勇气
的终点

你说我不该不该
不该在这时候说了我爱你
要怎麽证明我没有说谎的力气
哦请告诉我
暂停算不算放弃
我只有那一天的回忆
能不能给我一首歌的时间

this verse will i remember

Psalm 34: ¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Dreams of July Past

If there ever was a time where i wish i had my psychology text on dreams, it'd be this week. (but i don't think frued will ever help me much) i've had my fair share of interesting, exciting, mysterious, unknown dreams passing through my days and nights, but last week really made me go o.O" is God trying to tell me something, or am i just seeing flashbacks and reflections of what i want to see happen in life?

a week ago, was youth leadership class, where ps.Julie was taking the class, talking about the parents support team and the importance of their involvement- it was an interesting class, and much was to be learnt, but the surprise, and stunner, came at the end of the class, where i was prayed for twice, and the second, was the shellshock.

"....i sense a broken heart."

jeng jeng jeng.

what?! i didn't hype myself up or was hyped or felt emotional, in fact i was solidly saying, yes, God, i'll stand for the cause! aouh! aouh! aouh!! never would i know 5 secs later, all my defenses just got smashed like tofu. my answer was here, and here was said to be, my broken heart. dreams that i had, dreams that were shattered will become reality.


to me, it was like wow. it went past pretense and taking things head on and sucking it up. this destroyed any composure i was so confidently holding. God is with me. and He will restore my dreams. it completely overwhelmed me. it wasn't something my mind made up (there was no more time or space for that) but something that was straight up, given. it was so powerful it broke me down, and i don't get much of that, in that manner :)


i have learnt though, to not jump to my own conclusions and choosing my own ending. just as much as this is my story, it is His as well....


and so, in contemplation of those words, i kept to myself, and dreamt in that time, a few personal dreams. revealing friendships that i sought after and people that i oddly, talked to and acknowledged on different-than-now terms. though in the last one i had, pastor was in it o.O and she was addressing us, and a few people were present. i remember hearing... "....are you ready?" (tone: for something new and an exciting journey?).


and then i woke up with the lingering anticipation and expectation.
God's promises are yes and amen, though His ways are higher than mine and His thoughts higher than mine, and i won't have exactly as my choosing of the story's progression, i'm heartened by the promise that He never leaves us nor forsakes us. though it may be that my overworked brain is concocting soothing/nonsensical images, i am heartened, because He finds me and lifts me up from the miry clay. you and i were so close to abandoning, yet He does not give up on us. from then i recall the dreams i had, awake and asleep, and siphon through my short journeys in blinks and swift steps.


so the thought came, just as it always does: which dream is coming to reality?
such excitement!
this is the ride of my life ;)
who knows?
such are my dreams of July past.