of coffee and a time :)

almost time

piecing the pieces.. that's what i've been doing for much of the recent past. and finally i don't have to create some lame story just to try and get by.

i finally know what to honestly say.
who would have known?
now, its whether i can be as honest as i want to.
some stuff gets lost in translation, no?

ALEA IACTA EST.


:)

what are the chances eh?

[Ask, Seek, Knock] "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8


was what was talked about at the prayer meet.
2010 will be eventful indeed :)

excerpt.

an excerpt, from the disadvantages of elite education, By William Deresiewicz

"....students from elite schools expect success, and expect it now. They have, by definition, never experienced anything else, and their sense of self has been built around their ability to succeed. The idea of not being successful terrifies them, disorients them, defeats them. They’ve been driven their whole lives by a fear of failure—often, in the first instance, by their parents’ fear of failure. The first time I blew a test, I walked out of the room feeling like I no longer knew who I was. The second time, it was easier; I had started to learn that failure isn’t the end of the world."


the whole article is uber long, but rather interesting.
from my experience, i find that he makes remarkable and real points throughout. i was paralyzed the first time i failed my math test. i never quite remember the second, third, or subsequent ones, but the first one was engraved mentally. today, though still driven by efficiency and expediency.. i can tell myself that achievement is not the end goal of my life.

because the end goal is so much more.
the only thing more important than telling that to those you support and care for?

believing in it.

ouch.

maybe i should just say no more often.

would that really solve the issue?

double tap.

talk about it. 10 bucks and a night i didn't expect.

phew.

beati pauperes spiritu,
beati pacifici

freedom :)

freedom ain't what you always think it is, it should be more than that :)

is what i put on a facebook shoutout. yeap. it ain't what you always think it is. more money, less rules, make-up-regulations-as-you-go-along kinda thing. its not new. you wanna get outta the house, stay out longer with your friends, do what you want, be with that girl you are dying for. same here, same here. but.

yes, the but.

its gonna be a huge mistake to rush things. freedom as you know it, should be much more. it should be an awesome abundance (that would even make what money you have be truly sufficient), you roaming free spirited with His blessing, and seeing providence day by day, even moment by moment. it'll be fresh everyday, making you appreciate what you have, loving the people that truly love you as well.



there's a part of it that you must endure.
there's a part where you need to submit to His will.
to His plan, not to harm you, but to give you a hope and a future.


sometimes, to gain true Freedom and Liberty, you gotta sacrifice what you think 'freedom' is :)


do you need to check in with Jesus?
i do.


Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. -Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

a tinge

i just got back from the battlements of Malacca and straight in to the House. just like i did with singapore :) well, i didn't intend that, but i left my keys (all of them) when i left for my very short visit. odd, but it happened to be so.

did more connecting with old friends these past week or so than i have been doing for the entirety of 2009. my body is definitely feeling it right now (: i managed to stop by Jonker and go for some foodies (but not the popiah which i knew was different)- and did a mini walk around those parts, though not too much of it. but it was alright, for all intentions and purposes, that wasn't the point this time...

it was good to see an old friend again, but there is dismay to feel powerless to enact change. am i ambitious to say that i like to be able to do something for the better good of ppl, even ppl who think they are already in the better good? or otherwise make it seen that though they see something good, there is also good in others eyes. is that pride, that i sense disapproval in some? is it fair? that i try but get the magic missile from unexpected people? do i see a point, in doing certain things i do.. am i over the top? the etc.

yet i'm at peace, in a sense =P i'll never be able to please everyone, and i've tried.
does it kill my soul? maybe.
does it embitter me in a sullen, silent cacophony? maybe.
does it help me to sincerely reach for God through these challenges? i think so :)

and so i am healed, fractured spirit, refreshed with a subtle sweetness, time n time again, and off i go.
to one more lesson :)

9count

on the last day of my trip, i'm left at home, facebooking and wondering what my plans are. i did a short search this morning on Curtin singapore. yeap, my parents, brother, church uncle have been asking me to check it out, hinting that i should return to the island state, to sights, sounds and many things that would make the senses tingle.

even as i type this, this count is 9 so far. what else could happen in the year to come? in contrast, its clear who wins the religious freedom and safety awards. (though in this case there are only 2 participants, even the more so) a part of me says run to higher ground. but another says this is the time.

our Singaporean brethren are praying. close as they are to our land, they too wish for civil peace and unity to maintain stability in our nation. even an old friend call me up and ask for my caution, whom i have not seen for a while. (and should visit)

'oh, they don't really offer econs here.'
'similiar prices but more ex lar.'
'not gonna be much different...'

those are perhaps excuses not to turn back...
excuses that let me remain and stay, just for a while longer
and may it be that way :)

the couch and the city

the leather couch greets me once more, as do the roads.

this time, singapore!
the streets of are familiar, yet intrinsically new, a myriad of glass and steel, lights and all that bling-bling. you should check out Paragon now, fu-yoh! not to mention the new orchard mall and 313 (no idea why.), as well as Orchard Ion, which themes on lighting effects to 'evoke the senses'. for the latter, a friend mentioned that as you go higher up the floors, the price tags also numerically increase!! :P

i didn't get to see that much of the town, but the feel is that there is more people now. and not just in volume, but in variety. i hear different accents and languages and nationalities as i sit through the MRT and buses, the people watcher that i am. i hear different dialects and ways child converse with parent. and i learn, bit by bit.

though it is arguable that despite an interesting kaleidoscope of culture, everyone seems to be doing their own thing, oblivious to the outside unless it impedes on what -they- want to do individually, or are doing. (this is not about fairness of comparison.. it is.. merely a vibe, and a strong impression.)

it is more open here, more open than before. it made me wonder: through the years, how i was who i was, and who i am now. and who i am to be. no way is this journey at its end. it can only continue.

and i'm preparing for tomorrow's episode.
here i am, leather couch :)

Strife, a reminder.

it felt odd to step back into the office again. not exactly odd-kinda odd, but the feel that i don't just walk around the building the same. the thought that this could change was, interesting. the past year was definitely, subtly, change-filled. And though my lifelong search continues (as with most people), i must admit that i feel a special kinship :)

the years and glimpses of the humanly divine?
or perhaps the way i was brought back. specifically.
maybe the sentiment that it is grounds to get up and gear up. (rawr!!)
where my work is hopefully pleasing, a worship that perhaps only i get...

but the point is, many homes, many places, many brethen, the same Lord.
to me, the analogy of the body applies not only to a congregation, but God's children. that has always been a strong conviction. the recent arson incidences is starting to pick up wind and fanning the furnace. some called it a mercury rising. perhaps it was inevitable then, that we are reminded that we are in a world where turmoil is as common as breakfast. with coffee.

sometimes its just more of a shock when it comes to your shores and reality knocks.
as of now, there's no point in speculation. we watch and wait, and make your stand.

but i do know one thing, that my Lord is on His throne.

2010

what a way to end dec :)
and so much more to look forward to in 2010!

i wouldn't know what to expect, and i guess that'll make it all the more exciting.
Lord, as always, surprise me :D

hope i'm a better kid this year,
a better friend to be around.

help me hear, in the midst of all the sounds